When one moves to another country, one expects there to be some cultural differences. Another language, another way of dealing with people, and in my case, a very annoying habit to drive on the wrong side of the road. However, I was quite surprised to find another cultural difference between Home and Ireland. This difference stared me in the face as I was buying some birthday cards for friends. It’s not their drinking that sets the Irish apart from the Dutch, it’s their greeting cards.

I have learned that there are about 3 different categories of greeting cards. The first category is one I was familiar with, because I have often received these cards from aunts in the past. I call this category: ‘As If A Unicorn Threw Up On Them’. Cards belonging to this category have sweet little pictures of princesses, cars and rainbows on the front, painted in lovely soft pastel colors with glitters. The curly letters on the front inform you that this card is for ‘a very special niece’ or ‘the best husband in the world’. Once you open the card, your tolerance for corniness is seriously tested by a poem that wishes you all kinds of lovely things. Of course, these poems all differ, but they almost always include the words ‘magical’, ‘special’, or ‘a rainbow made of love’. Absolutely no literary expenses are spared in wishing you the very best birthday you could possibly have.

The second category of cards I have named ‘Beer’. Now don’t think the Irish discriminate their drinks. Beer is usually the theme of choice in this category, but really anything containing alcohol or having to do with being drunk works just fine. The cards range from a modest ‘I hope you drink a lot of beer on your birthday!’ to ‘may you wake up in a puddle of your own vomit in a bed you do not recognize’. Don’t be confused, these are all meant to be positive and uplifting. After all, a birthday party is really only succesful if you don’t remember it the day after.

The third category was quite surprising to me, mainly because I don’t think I’ve ever seen even one card with this theme back home, let alone a whole aisle of them. I also did not immediately make the connection between this theme and the Irish culture. But alas, the third category is ‘Farts’. I don’t really know what farts have to do with any occasion that warrants a greeting card. If anything, most greeting cards are meant to celebrate a happy occasion, and I just don’t think farts ever make anyone happy. However, judging by the overwhelming amount of fart cards, I am obviously wrong about this. There is a wide range of cards within this category, from ‘witty’ (‘as you get older your hearing might get worse, but don’t worry, your farts get louder!’) to really basic (a little speaker built into the card that produces fart-sounds when you fold it open).

This being said, anyone of my friends who has a birthday coming up should be either really excited or scared. If I may offer one helpful tip: do not open any card I send you in public. You’ll have a lot of explaining to do.