When one moves to another country, one expects there to be some cultural differences. Another language, another way of dealing with people, and in my case, a very annoying habit to drive on the wrong side of the road. However, I was quite surprised to find another cultural difference between Home and Ireland. This difference stared me in the face as I was buying some birthday cards for friends. It’s not their drinking that sets the Irish apart from the Dutch, it’s their greeting cards.

I have learned that there are about 3 different categories of greeting cards. The first category is one I was familiar with, because I have often received these cards from aunts in the past. I call this category: ‘As If A Unicorn Threw Up On Them’. Cards belonging to this category have sweet little pictures of princesses, cars and rainbows on the front, painted in lovely soft pastel colors with glitters. The curly letters on the front inform you that this card is for ‘a very special niece’ or ‘the best husband in the world’. Once you open the card, your tolerance for corniness is seriously tested by a poem that wishes you all kinds of lovely things. Of course, these poems all differ, but they almost always include the words ‘magical’, ‘special’, or ‘a rainbow made of love’. Absolutely no literary expenses are spared in wishing you the very best birthday you could possibly have.

The second category of cards I have named ‘Beer’. Now don’t think the Irish discriminate their drinks. Beer is usually the theme of choice in this category, but really anything containing alcohol or having to do with being drunk works just fine. The cards range from a modest ‘I hope you drink a lot of beer on your birthday!’ to ‘may you wake up in a puddle of your own vomit in a bed you do not recognize’. Don’t be confused, these are all meant to be positive and uplifting. After all, a birthday party is really only succesful if you don’t remember it the day after.

The third category was quite surprising to me, mainly because I don’t think I’ve ever seen even one card with this theme back home, let alone a whole aisle of them. I also did not immediately make the connection between this theme and the Irish culture. But alas, the third category is ‘Farts’. I don’t really know what farts have to do with any occasion that warrants a greeting card. If anything, most greeting cards are meant to celebrate a happy occasion, and I just don’t think farts ever make anyone happy. However, judging by the overwhelming amount of fart cards, I am obviously wrong about this. There is a wide range of cards within this category, from ‘witty’ (‘as you get older your hearing might get worse, but don’t worry, your farts get louder!’) to really basic (a little speaker built into the card that produces fart-sounds when you fold it open).

This being said, anyone of my friends who has a birthday coming up should be either really excited or scared. If I may offer one helpful tip: do not open any card I send you in public. You’ll have a lot of explaining to do.

No-one outside of Ireland knows this, but for the past weeks the streets of Dublin have been the backdrop of a fierce political struggle. No-one would shut up about it, people approached eachother in the streets to convince eachother to take their sides, and the streets were littered with flyers. What big controversial political issue brought this on, you ask? It wasn’t gay marriage, it wasn’t the bank bail outs, it wasn’t even union protesting. The panties were collectively up in a bunch over something far more controversial: the Lisbon Treaty.

The problem with the Lisbon Treaty is that no-one knows what the Lisbon Treaty is. It has something to do with the European Union, but Ireland is already a member of the EU so it’s not clear what this treaty will change. It also has something to do with the economy and the European government, but that’s about as far as everyone gets. Thankfully, a group of people has taken it upon themselves to creatively fill in these gaps in knowledge. Did you know, for instance, that the treaty will lower minimum wage from eight-euro-something to E1,84? Or that the treaty will overthrow the Irish laws on abortion and euthanasia (both are illegal now, and that is a fine tradition that they would like to keep, thankyouverymuch)? Or that signing the treaty really means giving up all freedom, essentially bringing Ireland back to the time of the English occupation? You didn’t know know that? They know all about it here. And they’re kind enough to enlighten you about all of this through copious amounts of posters plastered all over Dublin. And it’s really nice of them to go through all that trouble, but it’s a shame that the claims are completely false.

It’s no fun, but experts agree that a NO from Ireland would mean the country will be bankrupt in no time flat. The impact of the recession we’ve seen in The Netherlands doesn’t even touch the disastrous effect it’s had here. Ireland needs Brussels now. Nationalist sentiments are nice and all, but they don’t create jobs and/or money trees, so they’re not terribly relevant at the moment. But little details like these don’t stop the crazies to protest and march the streets of Dublin to convince everyone to vote against Lisbon.

The real fanatics, of which the most vocal ones are Sinn Fein, the Irish nationalist party that may or may not, but definitely does have their links with the IRA, printed their posters in Gaelic. A subtle touch, to remind everyone of Ireland’s own rich culture. The fact that almost no-one in Ireland speaks Gaelic anymore, and that the language is on it’s way to be as dead as Latin, doesn’t bother them. This Irish culture, including the 5 people who speak Gaelic, is in grave danger if the Lisbon Treaty gets ratified.

Another popular strategy is to remind everyone of the former British occupation of Ireland. They dusted off the pictures of the Irish revolutionaries of 1916 and plastered them all over town. ‘They won your freedom in 1916, don’t throw it away now’, is a popular catchphrase. What 1916 has to do with Lisbon exactly, no-one is sure of. But if the posters say it’s the same thing, then I suppose it is, and those feckin’ British are always up to something anyway. Who’s to say this whole deal is not another way to play boss in Ireland? Do we not all remember that glorious day on which we kicked the English out? Oh, wait, we don’t, because we were not alive at the time. But it was important anyway, and it’s really a good reason to vote NO.

By now, the results are in, and the Crazies are in the minority. The Lisbon Treaty has been ratified, and still no-one knows what that means. Except for the naysayers, they know exactly what’ll happen next. And when it does, they’ll be safely hidden in their bomb shelters, while the rest of Ireland is driven into poverty because of the new minimum wage, speaking Gaelic is forbidden, and the British steal all the Guinness. You just wait and see.